Finding a therapist who understands

The right therapist can shorten this by years. The wrong one, a believing therapist who treats your doubt as the problem, or a secular one who has never heard of garments and treats your religion as a joke, can set you back. Here is how to find the right one.

What you are looking for

Someone who:

• Understands Mormonism from the inside, or has treated enough Latter-day Saints to know what a temple recommend interview is without you explaining it.
• Is not trying to move you in either direction. Not to restore your faith, not to finish the job of removing it. Your beliefs are yours; the therapist’s job is your wellbeing.
• Has training in what you need: grief, couples work, OCD (ERP or ACT), trauma (EMDR, somatic), sex therapy. A faith transition touches several of these; pick the one that is loudest right now.
• You feel safe with within two sessions. If not, change. This is normal and therapists expect it.

Where to look

• Mormon Mental Health Association: clinicians who work across the whole spectrum of Mormon belief and are not affiliated with the Church.
• Secular Therapy Project: vetted, evidence-based, non-religious. Good when you want no religion in the room at all.
• Psychology Today therapist finder: search your area, then read profiles for “religious trauma”, “faith transition”, “spirituality” or “deconstruction”. Be careful with the “LDS/Mormon” filter; it mostly finds believing therapists offering faith-based counselling.
• Queer Mormon Therapists directory and the LGBTQ+-Affirmative Psychotherapist Guild of Utah if you are LGBTQ+.
• The people listed in our resource directory, whom we know.
• Ask. The Mormon Stories Facebook group and the THRIVE groups have running threads of recommendations by city.

What to ask on the phone

Most therapists offer a free fifteen-minute call. Use it.

1. “Have you worked with people leaving the LDS Church? What was that like?”
2. “If I decide to stay, or to leave, how would you feel about that?” (The right answer is some version of “that’s yours to decide”.)
3. “What approach do you use for [grief / OCD / trauma / couples]?”
4. “Do you take my insurance, and what does it cost if not?”
5. “Do you do video sessions?” Distance is no longer a reason to go without.

Therapist or coach?

A therapist is licensed, can diagnose and treat mental illness, is bound by a professional code, and is usually covered by insurance. A coach is not licensed, does not treat illness, and works on goals, decisions and skills. Both can be excellent; they are different tools. If you are depressed, anxious, traumatised or your marriage is in crisis, start with a therapist. If you are functioning and want help thinking through a decision or a family conversation, a coach who knows this territory can be ideal. John explains his own choice to coach rather than practise as a psychologist on his site.

Cost

Therapy is expensive and it is worth more than most things you could spend the money on. If money is the barrier: university training clinics offer low-cost sessions with supervised students; many therapists keep a few sliding-scale slots; the Secular Therapy Project and Open Path Collective list affordable options; and a single consultation to get oriented is better than none.

For the believing spouse

A believing spouse who wants their own therapist should have one, and it can be a believing therapist if that is what makes them feel safe. What matters for the marriage is that whoever does the couples work is neutral about the outcome.